The Body Knows Before You Do
Listening to Somatic Wisdom in Difficult Conversations
Halfway through the agenda, tension spikes. No one names it, but shoulders stiffen, breaths shorten, eyes dart. The body registers conflict before the mind admits it.
Ignoring those signals is like silencing your dashboard lights—momentary calm, eventual breakdown.
Somatic cues matter because: Emotions originate in physiology, the nervous system reacts milliseconds before cognition and unacknowledged sensations leak as tone, posture, micro-expressions (and the results of the facilitation!)
Tight jaw cues suppressed anger, disagreement.
Pursed lips hint at disapproval, judgment
Shallow breaths can indicate anxiety.
Collapsed posture tells me someone feels unseen (or they’re too fatigued to engage)
Our bodies are often so much more honest than words. But awareness ≠ diagnosis—it’s a cue to pause and inquire.
Here are a few times I find those pauses particularly supportive:
Landing: I often start meetings with a 60-second somatic anchor. If I need folks calm and grounded, we’ll spend a few seconds tuned into our feet. If I need them aligned, we’ll breathe together; energized calls for activating movements (reaching up/out, etc.)
Regulating: When sensations spike, use a regulation break: stretch, breathe, sip water. Physical reset often short-circuits verbal escalation.
Reflection: I’ve found that ‘sealing’ the experience into the body at the end of an interaction can make it more memorable, more impactful, and even make folks more likely to keep the commitments they’ve made.
It’s also important to remember that your participants bring their bodies to the experience as well as their minds and hearts – I always design with that in mind. Environment co-regulates nervous systems.
During succession talks, I noticed a patriarch clenched his fists whenever “retirement” arose. We paused for awareness; and with support, he named a fear of irrelevance. The somatic cue → owning and naming of emotion → strategic insight. He needed time for that emotional transition and the family was happy to support him. We adjusted to a phased transition and the tension vanished.
Somatic literacy turns hidden stress into visible wisdom. Treat bodies like board members; invite (and pay attention to) their vote.