Everyone Needs a Paddle: Navigating the Rapids of Family Philanthropy
Picture this: a family in a raft, heading down a river.
The water is moving fast — swirling currents, hidden rocks, a few unexpected drops.
One person is gripping the paddle, trying to steer, shouting directions.
Everyone else is clutching the sides, hoping for the best.
That, right there, is how many families approach shared wealth and philanthropy.
For years, a single “guide” — often a founder or elder — steers the boat. They know the river. They’ve read the currents. They’ve kept the family afloat. But as the waters of the world shift — new social issues, new values, new economic landscapes — one paddle isn’t enough. The rapids are faster now. The stakes higher.
To move forward with strength and purpose, everyone needs a paddle.
The Rapids Are Real
Today’s families are navigating whitewater conditions:
A historic wealth transfer — trillions moving into younger hands
Generational value shifts — from legacy and preservation to justice and regeneration
Complex global challenges — climate, inequality, mental health
Philanthropic innovation — from traditional grantmaking to impact investing and systems change
These waters are powerful. They can carry your family to remarkable destinations — or spin you in circles if paddles clash or stay idle.
The “One-Paddle” Problem
When a single person controls the direction — even with skill and good intent — three dynamics emerge:
Power Imbalance: Others feel like passengers, not partners.
Resentment: Younger voices disengage or push back.
Risk: If the guide tires or leaves the boat, no one else knows how to steer.
In calm waters, one paddle might suffice. But in rapids, it’s dangerous. Momentum comes from shared power, synchronized strokes, and a shared sense of direction.
Shared Paddling in Practice
So how do we get everyone paddling — and in the same direction?
Align on the Destination: Before you even push off, clarify the purpose.
Ask: What do we want to be known for? What kind of impact matters most to us? What values will guide us when the river forks? When everyone knows the destination, they can trust the current and commit their energy.Name the River: Different family members read the world differently. Older generations may see stability as success. Younger ones may see bold action as necessity. Bringing these readings to the surface — without judgment — allows for shared map-making.
Distribute the Paddles: Create real roles, not token seats. Invite each generation to lead where they’re strong — strategy, storytelling, community engagement, research, finance. Shared paddling isn’t chaos; it’s coordination.
Practice Together : Paddling in sync takes rhythm. Facilitation sessions, retreats, and reflective practices build muscle memory.
It’s less about agreeing on every stroke, more about learning how to respond when the river surprises you.Pause for Eddies: In rafting, eddies are calm pockets behind rocks — places to rest and regroup.
In philanthropy, schedule pauses to reflect: What’s working? Where’s friction? What needs adjusting? Reflection turns reaction into learning.
Emotional Rapids: Trust and Letting Go
For elders, handing out paddles can feel risky. They’ve guided the family for decades; they know the scars of past mistakes. For rising generations, grabbing a paddle can feel intimidating. They want to prove themselves but don’t want to capsize the legacy.
Here’s the truth: trust is built through shared action. You don’t develop it sitting on the shore, debating technique. You develop it when you’re in the current — learning each other’s rhythm, adjusting, communicating, laughing when you splash.
It’s messy. It’s real. And it’s where belonging is born.
The Facilitator as River Guide
My role in these journeys is not to steer your boat — it’s to help you paddle together. Using tools from therapy (DBT, IFS), mindfulness, play, and sensory design, I help families:
Surface unspoken fears and assumptions
Build emotional safety
Practice shared decision-making
Find alignment between head, heart, and hands
Because in these rapids, the goal isn’t a perfect path — it’s a cohesive crew.
When You Don’t Paddle Together
If some refuse to paddle, others must work twice as hard. If paddles strike in opposite directions, you spin in circles. If everyone waits for someone else to lead, the current decides for you. The antidote? Clear vision, honest dialogue, and a willingness to share control. Family philanthropy isn’t a sightseeing cruise — it’s a living, breathing expedition.
When families learn to paddle together:
Energy multiplies
Trust deepens
Impact accelerates
The boat moves with purpose — and the journey itself becomes meaningful. You don’t need perfect harmony. You just need shared rhythm. So ask yourself:
Who’s holding the paddle right now?
Who’s sitting on the sidelines
What might happen if everyone took a stroke together?
The rapids aren’t something to fear. They’re the very current that can carry you to the change you want to see.
Grab a paddle. Let’s go.